


Be Okay

by Semi_problematic



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M, Trans boy!philip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 12:55:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11059419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Semi_problematic/pseuds/Semi_problematic
Summary: Philip gets top surgery.





	Be Okay

It was odd waking up after it all happened. The anxiety he had before was still coursing through his veins and maybe even a little bit more. It was scary. What if something had went wrong? What if Lukas suddenly changed his mind? What if he got a bad surgeon? That and so many more questions rushed through his head. He blinked his eyes open, wincing at the bright hospital lights. He was alive, which was good, Lukas was paranoid as all hell that for some reason Philip wouldn't wake up. Philip raised his hand up, slowly, touching his face first before gliding his hand across his neck and collar bones over to where his breasts would be. He hovered his fingers the best he could, knowing that if he actually touched his chest he'd be in a world of pain.

Relief flooded Philips body when he didn't feel his breasts. He was alive.. and okay, for the most part. He rubbed his eyes, looking around the room, smiling softly when he saw Lukas curled up in a small hospital chair, his long legs twisted in an awkward and most likely uncomfortable position. He almost didn't want to wake Lukas up.

"Lukas.." He whispered, sitting up in his hospital bed. 

Lukas didn't move.

Philip rolled his eyes, grabbing a pillow from behind him, chucking it at Lukas. Lukas jumped, falling out of the chair, but taking the chair with him. He scrambled to his feet, fixing his hair, looking around panicked before his eyes fell on Philip. He smiled.

"I didn't die." Philip grinned.

"I knew you wouldn't." Lukas stood next to his bed, glancing between Philip and the bed anxiously as if he didn't think he could sit down. "How do you feel?" 

Philip leaned close to Lukas, resting his head on his shoulder. "I feel okay so far.. a little drugged out.. my head is all over the place but.. I don't feel like any pain. It's insane."

"The doctor said about a week or two after it'll hurt real bad so be careful." Lukas pressed his lips to Philips forehead. 

"I wanna look at myself." 

"Then do it." Lukas rubbed Philips back, pulling him closer gently.

"But.."

"But what?"

"What if I look bad?"

"You look handsome, you always look handsome." Lukas pulled away, kneeling in front of Philip, smiling. "You're my boy and I love you." He pecked his lips. "Plus, you look really good right now, kinda glowing."

"Thanks." Philip flashed a sarcastic smile. "It's the drugs I'm on." 

Lukas laughed, standing up. "I should be responsible and tell a doctor you're awake."

Philip pursed his lips. "Probably." 

Lukas chuckled, ruffling his hair, walking out of the room. Philip only laid back in the bed and closed his eyes, praying to whoever was listening that the surgery went good.. and that he'd finally look the way he needed to. (And that he'd at least look a little hot.)

It was a long wait, well, the wait was about a day and a half, but it was painful. Almost as painful as it was waiting to get on hormones. (It took six months planning, then two visits for testing, then he got his first shot. It'd have been easy if the appointments hadn't been a month apart each time. He couldn't stand it, but when he finally got it, he cried, and it felt amazing. The shot sucked, but knowing he was moving forward, finally was great.) But now he could finally see himself and what his chest looked like.

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't nervous, he was terrified. His stomach was in knots and his heart was racing a million miles a minute. He was sure the heart monitor would start beeping like crazy in a few seconds.

"Philip.." His doctor, Derek, spoke. "You think you can stand up? Is the pain manageable?"

Philip nodded, already moving to climb out of the bed. "Even if it wasn't I'd make it work, I've waited long enough to see it."

"Has Lukas?" Derek asked, glancing at Lukas who was standing next to the bed. 

"No, he said he wanted to see it with me, every time they check on it he leaves the room." Philip grinned, looking over his shoulder at Lukas, stepping onto the cold hospital floor. He wrapped his fingers around the cold metal poll that had some kind of medications on it. Philip couldn't really think about that right now, though, all he could think about was looking at his new body.. and just feeling comfortable. 

Lukas and Philip walked into the bathroom hand in hand, Derek following behind, leaning against the doorframe in the bathroom. 

Philip squeezed Lukas' hand as he stepped up in front of the mirror, taking a deep breath. "I can't belive it.."

"I can." Lukas raised Philips hand up, kissing Philips hand. "You were so strong during all of this, you deserved it, you're a fucking badass."

Philip nodded, letting go of Lukas' hand, untying the hospital gown a little, grabbing onto both sides, stopping and taking another breath. It'll be okay. He's okay. He looked down at the floor, closing his eyes. This is what he wanted.

"It's okay." Lukas' voice was softer than Philip had ever heard it. "I'm here, whatever happens, I'm here." He kissed Philips shoulder. "And I can walk out if you want me to." 

Philip shook his head. "No, it's okay.. I'm just scared."

"I would be too." Lukas nudged him, kissing his temple. "I love you."

Philip nodded. "I love you." He looked up at the mirror, bunching up the hospital gown in both hands, slipping it off his shoulders and down to his stomach, freezing. Air caught in his throat and his eyes scanned the mirror over and over. His chest wasn't perfect, he knew it wouldn't be, there were red lines under each place his breadts used to be and the stitches still showed a little more than he'd like, but it'd been a day. Only a day. Imagine how it'd look in a year. Feeling the weight off of his chest, literally, was one thing, but actually seeing it, seeing the body he'd always dreamed about was happening. 

He didn't even notice he was crying until Lukas rubbed his arm.

"How do you feel?" Lukas whispered.

"I.. I feel.. I love it.." Philip ran his fingers through his hair, smiling through the tears painting paths down his cheeks. "I can't believe it.."

"Yeah.. I love it, too." He kissed Philips cheek. "It looks so good, baby, you look so good.."

"It always happened to everyone else I didn't think it'd ever actually happen. I'm shocked.. it looks so good." Philip turned to the side, raising his arms, grinning even wider when he saw his chest stay flat. Flatter than his binder ever made him. "It's amazing. It looks.. so good.."

"You look so good."

"It really happened." Philip grinned, wrapping his arms around Lukas' torso, trying not to stretch the stitches again.

"It did." Lukas wrapped his arms around Philip, kissing his forehead. "I told you it'd be okay.." 

And for once.. it really felt like it would be.


End file.
